Overheard Persistence

The juxtaposition of leaving my windows open for the fresh air in this mild climate, and living in an apartment building with a courtyard and separate entrances, is that you sometimes overhear things. Usually I'd be happier without, but today I heard a gem.

The couple who lives below me are in their 80s and stay home a lot. They are very sweet. A little while ago, I heard their doorbell ring. It was a guy from AT&T. The following is really and truly an abridged version.

"We are looking into the interference reported. What cable service do you get?"
"We don't get cable service."
"You get a comcast bill every month, though, right?"
"We do get mail from Comcast every month, yes."
"Okay, so you get cable. How much do you pay for cable every month?"
"We don't get cable."
"Okay. But do you get 0-400 channels, or 0-99 channels?"
"uh ... "
"Okay, so 0-99 channels - that's basic cable."
"We don't get cable."
"Well, there was a report of interference. What do you pay every month for cable?"
"We don't get cable. We sometimes get a lot of noise on our phone."
"Oh, so it was a problem with the phone. Well, we are replacing the aging copper wire in this area with fiber optic cable. Do you know about fiber optic cable?"
"Uh, I think we've heard of it."
"Okay, well, basically, it's unlimited bandwidth. The copper wire is corroding, so that can sometimes cause static. With fiber optic cable, you'll have great cable reception. So what cable service are you using now?"
"We don't get cable."
"Okay, but what is your cable bill every month?"
"We don't get cable."

(somewhere in here, I was tempted to stick my head out the window and yell down: "they don't get cable, they don't want cable, they were reporting a problem with their phone!)

"No, how much is your bill every month?"
"About 30 dollars."
"Okay, that's for what?"
"Our phone."
"I see. So you have separate cable service."
"No, we don't get cable."
"Okay, but do you watch TV?"
"Yes."
"So you get cable. How much do you pay Comcast or TimeWarner every month?"

(This continued so long that I realized with a little massage it could become an Abbot and Costello routine.)

"John??? Do you want to talk to this gentleman?"
(John takes over)
"Hi. How can I help you?"
"I'm looking into the interference reported. Was that with your cable channels?"
"No, we sometimes get noise on our phone."
"Oh. ... But what is your cable service?"
"We don't get cable."
"But which channels do you watch? Between 0 and 400, or 0 to 99?"
"We just watch the usual five channels."
"Okay, but what are you paying for cable?"
"We don't get cable. We never upgraded to digital."
"Oh - analog. So how are you getting channels?"
"We're getting BROADCAST channels."
"Yes, but which cable service?"
"We don't get cable. We just watch the five channels everyone gets."
"???"
"The broadcast channels. We've been watching the same channels on the same TV for years."
"Ok, so you don't get cable. Have you heard about our cable service?"

(Now I wanted to yell down "they don't get cable, they don't want cable. They're not interested in it." (Like, duh, they're a couple in their 80s ... of course they have a limited income!))

"We're not interested in getting cable."
"And the interference is on your phone? How much do you pay each month for the phone?"
"About thirty dollars."
"Does that include long distance?"
"Well, we don't make a lot of long distance calls. That's for local service."
"And you pay thirty dollars a month?"
"Yes."
"So we have a package where you can get phone and cable together."
"We don't want cable."
"Okay. Do you know Mrs. Greer who lives a couple of buildings down? She was on a similar phone service, and we got her set up with unlimited distance calling for thirty five dollars a month. Do you know Mrs. Greer?"
"I think so."
"Yeah, so we can get you unlimited long distance with that package."
"We don't make a lot of long distance calls."
"It's an excellent service - you can make as many long distance calls as you want."
"Yes, but we don't make a lot of long distance calls."
"Oh. Well, do you record any TV?"
"Yes, sometimes."
"Do you have a TiVo box?"
"???"
"You can record shows and watch them whenever you like"
"Well, we record on tapes."
"Oh - well, this would be much better. You could record more."
"We don't record much."

(At this point I really wanted to dump a bucket of water on the guy, and say "Look, I know you're a salesman and your job is to sell services, but they don't want anything more than what they have right now. You've put in an excellent effort, but they're not going to buy anything. Time to move on.")

Thankfully, after a couple more exchanges, I think it was clear to John that he had to communicate that they wouldn't be buying anything. Since John is a polite man, it took a few rounds. Then I finally hear John thanking the salesman (for what?) and the salesman says "Thank you for your time" which seemed like a nice touch. I guess he wanted to be on a good footing with the Crippens when he comes around next week.

Today I was once again extremely grateful that the entrance to my apartment isn't obvious. I had already decided if he knocked on my door (my doorbell is broken) that I wouldn't answer.

I don't get cable, I don't watch TV (except for streaming video from Netflix -- free with my Netflix subscription), and I only have a super basic phone line because I need one to get Stanford DSL. Which I'm hoping will improve greatly with the new AT&T fiber optic cable I learned about recently ...